I don’t wanna talk anymore

We have already evaluated everything we had live together. We talked about all the things we had to talk about. And it hurts me a lot to know that you are now in my past and that I will not have you in my future anymore.

I tried. And did everything I could. I threw all my cards on the table with the hope that you would play too.

But it was no surprise to me that you didn’t. I always knew that while I would try to make the game happen you would just stay quiet and sit in your corner.

I know I shouldn’t, but I threw myself in this and I gave my all. But it was like your heart was packed in a super protective cover and locked with seven keys inside a box. And it didn’t take too long for me to feel that your heart would be unreachable to me.

There is nothing left to say. I know I’ve already lost this game.

I feel like a fool not wanting to believe that this was destiny. But it’s because I know things were not meant to be like this.

Because every time I was in your arms I felt like that was my place. And every time you wrapped me in your arms I felt completely safe.

And life made sense.

I could finally stop navigating aimlessly because I had found a port that I thought was safe to let my heart dock.

And what a fool I was, thinking it would be so. Thinking it was safe.

I feel like a loser.

It was always clear from the start that you would not really let me get close to your heart. So I can’t complain. But I did not want to leave this way.

Start a new life and move on is what I need. But I can’t stop thinking about how things are gonna be without you.

Will the next guy I kiss, will touch my lips in the same way he used to? I wonder if he will he makes my lips tremble when he touches mine as you did?

And will my name have the same beautiful sound coming out of his voice as I know my name has when it leaves yours?

Will my body vibrate the same way it vibrates every time my eyes lie beneath the curves of your body? Will it feel warm as it feels every time my skin feels the touch of your skin?

It will not be easy, you know how hard it’ll be for me. You know I can’t move on so fast. Or maybe move on at all.

But what am I going to do if my heart doesn’t follow orders?

I do not want to talk anymore. It makes me very sad.

I do not want you to come and hold me to comfort me either. I know it makes you feel better. But every time you hold me, I feel my heart breaks in thousands of pieces.

I know that I have lost. That I don’t have you anymore. I know that now I need to move on.

So, I do not want to talk anymore.

Lu is a multifaceted woman. From South America, living the dream of living in Europe, writing and enjoying the most of life ;-)

  1. Will

    This reminds of “Turning Table” by Adele. Such a sad text and such a sad song too. Especially the beginning. But it is what it is. And when is comes to reality we have to do what is the best for us. Not everybody else. Nothing matters more than our own inner peace and emotional health.

    “So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
    No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
    I can’t give you, what you think you gave me
    It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables”

    Just be strong, girl.
    Just be strong.

    May 23, 2019

    • Donna

      Oh boy, I felt so happy with you saying that this reminds you of Adele’s song.
      It is a sad text because it was how I was feeling during a breakup and it was very hard for me to write anything happy during that time.
      I do agreed we need to the best for ourselves, even if it means that it will hut ourselves or someone else. And that’s what happened to me.
      But I’m strong and here I am.
      Hope to keep seeing you around here.


      June 4, 2019

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