No love, no light, no air

Wherever I go I will always take you with me. But it’s very difficult to accept and acknowledge that I lost the game. And it’s even harder to see and have to let you go. And while I have to watch you get away from me, madness and insanity make words come out of my mouth that makes no sense.

You were my lighthouse and my safe harbor and today I’m totally lost. My eyes can no longer see any direction, no light, no color. And I feel like my feet can’t touch the ground anymore.

Pain is there all the time, it is in all my thoughts, and the night nor sleep softens the pain of the lack that I am feeling of you. I can hardly sleep. The truth is that I don’t want to fall asleep, because when I remember that when the day dawns I won’t be able to see your smile nor your eyes my heart can hardly bear. It was the light of your eyes that made me feel happy during my days and the warmth of your hugs that made me feel alive during the nights.

I’ve been hiding as much as I can inside myself so I don’t have to remember you anymore. But everything brings me what I want to forget. And among the sobs of my crying, I can’t stop remembering when in tears I tried to explain to you that I belong by your side.

And my only real friend right now is my solitude, which squeezes my chest full of emotion. And I’d forget anything, even my pride for you to come back. Because without you I have no love, no light and no air.

My love, in my life I just wanted and only needed you. And it hurts too much to have to close my eyes every time I want to see you. It hurts too much to close my eyes to hear the sound of your voice.

I’m no longer able to run from everything so I don’t have to remember you but wherever I go I can’t forget about you. Between the corners that I pass, I can’t stop to remember the moments and the conversations that we had when we returned home. And of all the lessons of history that you gave me, that five minutes later they would have been forgotten. But hell, how I loved it when you tried to teach me about all the things that I didn’t know.

In this void of my solitude, I never cease to think that in his arms I should be. And in the middle of the night when comes the loneliness, that doesn’t leave me, that doesn’t stop taking my hand.

Every night she comes to visit me, making me cry to sob. I just wanted to forget everything and see you come back to my arms because without you I no longer have your love, the light of your eyes, your affection … I have no air.


Lu is a multifaceted woman. From South America, living the dream of living in Europe, writing and enjoying the most of life ;-)

  1. This was beautiful to read. My grandmother kept coming to mind and how much I miss her.

    May 12, 2020

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