Affection: The feeling the new generations are avoiding

Everyone has those days where we are feeling blue. We feel sadder, a bit depressed, maybe tired and having someone around on these moments feels very helpful.

Like everybody, I’ve had these days many times in my life. But only now that I’m living in Europe I’m feeling something really different. I’m facing some kind of real depression or a kind of lack of affection that it hits me almost daily.

Don’t dare to tell me that I’m feeling like this because I’m missing my friends and family because it isn’t that.

I’m missing the touch and the human warmth.

I’m missing the kisses on the cheek I exchanged with my friends followed by a warm hug. A real hug. Those ones that you feel each other skin and feel the beat of their heart.

I’m missing to walk on the streets hand in hand. I’m missing show affection without the feeling that I’m doing something wrong.

Affection is what affects people

Affection is everything that affects us direct or indirectly, in a positive or in a negative way. It is the ability to experience a set of phenomena like emotions, passions, and feelings.

And the trend of the moment seems to avoid that. The question is why?

I grew up listening to my mom saying that it would be emotionally safer if I didn’t show so much my emotions around. And I know why she told me that. To avoid me to be seen as a needy or a crazy woman.

In a subtle way, she was actually saying that I should keep my shit together. Meaning I could show and receive some affection without going crazy because just tonight I haven’t’ received my goodnight kiss.

It seems to me that these new generations, starting from the Millenials, are developing a huge fear of giving or receiving affection. Moreover, I see people talking a lot about expressing emotions and embracing your real feelings, it sounds like bullshit.

I’ve been meeting so many people all across the world in the last years in their twenties and thirties and I feel nobody is caring about that.

They run from affection like the plague.

If you stop and observe you will see that these new generations are avoiding to create connections and to build genuine relationships.

They do have loads of friends or followers on different social media. But how many of those people do they really know in person?

How many of those people have they really spent quality and genuine time in the last three months? And that party or club that they had a couple of beers a few weekends ago doesn’t count.

I feel the goal of trying to meet and keep in touch with so many people at the same time is the perfect excuse to not spend too much time with anyone enough to know the deep of their inner or enough to care too much about them.

They are constantly focusing on themselves, with fear to bond with other people and very afraid to love and to be loved by someone else.

And because of that, they are discarding love. Running away from it.

It’s too much pressure.

The lack of interest in the next and the total focus on themselves is generating a certain narcissism and psychic weakness in this generation.

I think that’s why they aren’t able to create any real relationships.

These young people can’t face the thing that we are constantly having in our lives: challenges and suffering.

It is too much pressure.

Lately, to make these young people annoyed I am testing something. Recently, I’m making sure that I’m showing everybody how needy and crazy for affection I am. And I don’t care about how people will look at me.

I feel really bad to see how much these young people are missing for not letting any kind of deeper affection to get into their lives just because they are afraid.

I hope very soon they realize it doesn’t matter how much you run, all we need is love and affection.

The problem is, nowadays, almost no one is brave enough to admit that and go chase it.

Lu is a multifaceted woman. From South America, living the dream of living in Europe, writing and enjoying the most of life ;-)

  1. Eva

    Hey Daniele,

    I’m so happy you enjoy it.
    I also feel really happy to know other people recognize that there are happening a lack of intimacy, true affection, and connections among the youngs.

    October 10, 2019

  2. Jade

    I feel this so much. I’ve been on so many dates and nobody wants anything. I feel sometimes hopeless as nobody wants something abit more than just one night stands.

    October 11, 2019

  3. This blog is what our world needs today. Though I reserve my affection for a close few, it’s only because I see how valuable it is. Times have changed and hearts have definitely grown colder. There needs to be a revolution soon or we’re all doomed!

    October 11, 2019

    • Eva

      This is so nice of you Sandra. I do hope people engage here with those things that we sometimes struggle so much but it has been more and more difficult to share among our friends and even to ourselves. You’re completely right to reserve your affection for those who deserve it just be careful to not be being to close for opportunities that might knock at your door 😉

      October 24, 2019

  4. Eva

    You know Chris, I do feel the “market” for real friends and meaningful relationships are terrible but we need to try to be open and try to have some hope. I do believe there might be three or four people still worth it in the market and we are all in this journey to try to find them and bring them close to us.

    October 24, 2019

  5. People really do have huge walls up these days and I am guilty of the same. I am still working through how to balance friendships better than I have in the past.

    October 24, 2019

    • Eva

      Hey Rachel!
      We are building up more and more walls between us every day. It shouldn’t be so hard but it seems we are losing our ability to be and remain close to other people – regardless of the kind of relationship you are in. I hope everybody learns soon how to behave and maintain people around them. I do hope you improve the balance of your friendships.

      November 2, 2019

  6. Love this!! I too feel like I need affection!! I always have!! I don’t understand why people hold off on it these days.. I met my husband over 5 years ago and he was the first person to show affection to me in a way I cant describe!! Great post!!

    November 25, 2019

  7. Tone seems abit on the morbid side but I get it, people are just putting up walls everywhere & it’s just becoming more difficult to hold to the intimate relationships you do have or form entirely new ones

    November 27, 2019

    • Eva

      Hi Londa! (Maybe would it be Linda?)
      I know it sounds morbid but it’s just to give people the sense of urgency in reverse this. I have the feeling this is going to become worse and worse but nobody is giving the proper attention. Real intimacy is becoming rare o find and it shouldn’t. I hope everybody understands that and starts changing one or two things in their daily bases so we won’t grow as a society that made intimacy be banned.

      December 16, 2019

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